I started executing the plan today. My kids are safe. Their dad has been made aware of the existence of the plan but also understands that information must be limited for all parties. He’s helping me keep the kids safe while the transition is playing out. I still can’t believe this is my life right now. I feel empowered and liberated and also like I need to keep that in check because over-confidence is a slippery slope especially given that I am not free.
I can see the end of the tunnel. I keep reminding myself of Orpheus and Eurydice. The life I want is just within reach. As long as I don’t look back. Just keep swimming, right? I look forward to the day that this is all just a horrible memory. A piece of checkered past. It feels a bit warped though so maybe more houndstooth, less checkered?
Packing up all of his things was such a liberating experience. Each piece felt like a puzzle piece leading to closure. Seeing the boxes piled up, I know that the beginning of the end is here. But it is just that. The beginning of the end. He won’t go peacefully. He won’t go quietly. He will run my name through the mud telling anyone who will listen what a monster I am. He may even show up here again.
More liberating than the packing was changing the locks. There is a barrier between us. He cannot simply enter here. His keys will not work. This place is one step closer to being safe again. I’m so ready for this the end, but I know this is just the beginning. I know it’s going to be ok though. It’s happening, Diary. It’s finally starting to happen.